Behind the Smoke and Mirrors

Did you ever see yourself as an actor? Many of us play one....just not on television. We smile, greet strangers warmly, or hold the door for someone we will never see again. At church, we dress up in our best outfits and have our spouse and children in tow. We sing, pray, and speak lovingly to those around us. When we go to work, we talk about he fun adventures spent during the weekend. We allow social media to view our happy, safe, and beautiful life. Is this for real or is it a part of an act?

In between the lies we want others to believe, many of us struggle with low self-esteem, abuse, or unloving relationships. Behind closed doors and surrounded by the four walls we live in, harsh words are interjected into unloving conversations, and the words of "I love you" are seldom, if at all, spoken. When was the last time you had a hug?

When I was a kid, I never heard the word depressed or anxiety. This was something that became mainstream during my children's lives. Is it that the medical staff is better at diagnosing? Is there just more people who suffer with this condition? Is the root cause due to home conditions, nutritional deficiencies, or both?

Recent conversations with several individuals have made me realize many of us live with painful hurts that are kept undercover. It plays an important role though, in how we view life. One person in particular comes to mind. She grew up in a family that didn't speak positive messages to one another. Her parents, who are divorced, never tell her she is loved, instead she gets criticized for things she does. She suffers from low self-esteem and it affects her relationships with friends. This is not necessarily a cultural issue, but I've noticed that some cultures don't show affection as much as others. This individual is longing to feel loved and accepted for who she is. Unfortunately, she isn't who she is. Because she wants to "fit in" she does things she doesn't like to do. In some ways she is pretending to be happy, by putting on a smile and go along with the crowd to feel accepted. She isn't being authentic, and therefore, the "smoke and mirrors" she is portraying is contributing to her anxiety and depression. What if she were brave enough to be authentic?

My childhood was quiet different. I was one of the lucky ones who had a safe and loving environment. I was told I was loved and disciplined according, which also sent the message of love. Discipline, even though I didn't like it at the time, gave me boundaries that kept me safe. It was a way my parents showed they loved me. Because of my upbringing, I was able to pass that onto my children. I didn't do everything right, but I’m sure my children know they are loved. There are many people who are simply touch starved. Showing affection is just as important as verbal acknowledgement.

Where do we go to talk about our real life without fear of judgment? I think very few people have friends they feel safe with. Sometimes, I think we just want others to instinctively know there is a problem, but nothing is ever said. Instead, we put on our fake smiles and pretend life is good. It's just too painful to uncover the scab of childhood, disappointments of life, the painful past or present experiences, or the marriage that is falling apart.

The places we need to talk about real issues are often the places we pretend to be perfect, like church. I think church should be a safe space, but the fear of judgment or being a "project" is too much for people to bear. How do we change this process? Even in a small group it's difficult to share painful experiences and disappointments. Sometimes people will sign up for counseling, but quit after a few months because the therapists want to uncover the scab. It's painful. 

Living in the past does not need to represent the future. The story of the past is just that..the past. With time, we have the power to rewrite our future story. The mind is very powerful and by imagining the joy and pleasures that wait, one can help rewrite the story. Let the past be the past. Commit to being the authentic you. Sometimes it's necessary to cut out people in our life who don't bring us joy and peace, or who are not accepting to whom we are. It can be painful, but fear not. "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Health bite: Let go of the smoke and mirrors. Be your authentic self.

If you would like to speak with me about how I can help you, please contact me.

Without This, Your Health Is At Risk!

Are you overlooking this important part of your health plan?

When you think of health, what comes to mind? Food? Feeling well? Energy? All these things I think of too. Could there be something more important or just as important as food? It’s an important ingredient often overlooked, a by product, if you will. It comes and goes through the day...even our life. For some, it comes easily. For others it’s more work. Even so, without it, your health is at risk.

So what is this important part of your health? Laughter! That’s right, laughing. It may seem insignificant, but it is so richly a part of our well-being. The lasting effects of laughing is important to feeling good and taking life less serious. Surrounding yourself with people who can laugh with you will help you stay young, energized, and healthy!

We all have those friends who are serious, pessimists, or a complete downer. Getting them to laugh can be a challenge. If you are part of the population that is described in the first sentence, lighten up! Surround yourself with someone you can have fun with. The journey of life can, at times, be overwhelming. Believe me, I know! No matter how challenging, sad, or tough life gets, it’s essential to laugh!

I wonder if there would be less drugs prescribed if people could laugh more, enjoy relationships, and only live in the present day? Who doesn’t want to spend more time with someone who is fun, energized and has a good time? It’s a way of connecting to others, making friends, and makes one more approachable.

Health benefits of laughter:

• reduces stress

• lowers blood pressure

• increased creativity

• exercises important muscle groups

• increases memory and intelligence

• strengthens the immune system

• it’s a natural pain killer by the brain releasing endorphins

• reduces depression and anxiety

• improves mood

Another important element is that laughter has been found in research to help fight cancer by increasing the levels of Interferon-gamma in the body (IFN). IFN stimulates B-cells, T-cells, NK cells, and immunoglobulin that works to regulate cell growth. These compounds are part of the healthy immune system and are an important part of our defense against cancer and abnormal growth of tumors. Laughter a day can really keep the doctor away!

Health-bite: Get your giggle on!

*The photo above is my family taken after we got home from a nice meal together. We did this for several years knowing the time was short before the children left to live their own lives. We shared a lot of laughter during our times together.