Fall Equinox

We have tapped into the fall, officially.  Mums, pumpkins, and fall décor are all around with sprinkles of pumpkin spice.  This time of year, seems to bring a lot of excitement and joy to people, but for some, it’s a different type of season.  In spring there is a re-birth of new life.  Flowers bloom, birds return, the days get longer and warmer.  Then we reach the solstice of summer’s abundance and maturity.  Those hot, dry August days can be grueling.  It becomes a struggle to keep plants alive and looking good.  I think that’s why the equinox of fall is so welcomed.  Those cooler days and nights are a joyful reprieve.  This year, I’ve embarked on classes in herbalism.  This experience has opened my eyes to both the simplicity and complexity of plants and the energic power they contain. But, I’ve learned so much more.

 CELEBRATING THE EQUINOX

In September, my class had a ceremony for the equinox.  This meaningful experience has led me to have discussions with others about the Autumn Equinox.  After the new birth of spring and maturity of summer comes fall, in which things begin to die. Some people will start to feel some sort of sadness or grief and may not be able to articulate why. Often times, we don’t allow the space for someone to talk about their loss.  What seems to happen is we try to comfort friends and family by saying words like, “I understand what you are going through.” Or “It will get better with time.”  I wondered why we speak words to someone who is grieving.  Is being present in silence with them just as powerful?  Is it because we don’t want to see them upset, or we, ourselves, don’t want to be upset?  Maybe it’s both.  As I sat with this question longer, I began to wonder how this behavior began.  For me, I’m sure it was learned through conditioning as a child.  Disappointments in life brought consoling parents who tried to be supportive and be positive that things will get better.  It just never occurred to me that consoling someone stops their grief process momentarily, even though I went through it myself.  When someone is expressing grief, and someone touches them or says anything, the other person often will stop talking. As a result, the process gets delayed or perhaps even avoided.

WHAT HAPPENED NEXT

Before the ceremony, each person took some time to write down their griefs and losses experienced this year or in year’s past.  Silently, we walked over to a fire pit and sat in a circle.  The space, energy, and love were felt as each person began to share some portion of their loss.  Each person had some type of loss or grief he/she was dealing with, and some really surprised me.  I think of how many times people say they are fine, when now I wonder…are they really?  It was a time to reflect that loss, feel that loss, and acknowledge that loss.  I’ve learned that grief is never over, so please don’t tell someone to “Get on with your life.” Or “It’s time to move on.”  Grief is enduring a pain that comes and goes for the rest of our life.  Personally, I’ve not found a way to “get over it,” but I have found my way through it.  In reality, I guess, that’s all one can hope for.

After everyone had said what they wanted to say, we threw our paper into the fire. Having done so does not mean the loss is forgotten, it’s just a way to acknowledge the experience and allow space for both grieving and healing.

SHARING

I shared this experience with friends who, I knew, were going through some difficult times. The timing, as always, is perfect with an upcoming bonfire to give space and toss in those written losses.  It can be simple with only throwing in the piece of paper or more elaborate, like I had experienced with my class.  Either way, those burdens are heavy and knowing we all share common ground with loss, made my own thoughts lighter.  Our energy transmits one to another.  No one is alone nor should we carry our burdens alone.  I learned from this experience the ability to allow others their own space in dealing with loss, to hold them up as a person who is here, and be present with them.  

Health Bite: Give silent space for others to grieve.

Better to Receive than Give?

Photo credit: Susan Ryan (because it's not easy to take a photo of your own hands)

Dry bones.  In the desert, there are dry bones.  It’s hot, parched, and feels uncomfortable.  There are times in life when we find ourselves in the desert.  Is it a learning opportunity or a punishment?  I guess it depends on the perspective.  Personally, I've been in the desert for a while, and I'm ready to leave.  I wonder, did I do something wrong?  Did I make a wrong turn?  How much longer must I endure?  Where are you on your journey?  Have you experienced dry bones?  A time of what seems like an uphill battle?  Do you embrace this experience or resist it?  

I’ve been in the desert for months, searching for my purpose, my destiny, looking but not finding. I’ve spent many, many mornings on my knees praying and asking God to show me what He wants from me.  Where am I to be?  What is my purpose?  Am I doing His will?  It’s a time of wondering and searching.  I don’t like it!  I try not to resist, but I find myself feeling frustrated because I want to get on with it….whatever “it” is.  Surely, the Lord could give me just a peak!  Nothing….

Recently, I was introduced to meditation by my dear cousin, Cindy.  She explained that, for her, it allows a presence of self and a place of peace.  It allows her to ask questions and hear answers.  I needed answers, so, I decided to give it a try.   This is a new concept for me as normally when I pray, I do all the talking.  Meditation, is different.  It’s about being present, mindful and quiet.  However, trying to get a Type A mind to quiet is like herding cats!  Floods of thoughts flash through like lightning bolts on a stormy summer day.  It’s taken me lots of practice, and I can tell you I have a long way to go.  

Being present, mindful and quiet has brought a little rain into this desert.  My soul feels nourishment and my mind more peaceful. Through this journey, I've realized that it’s my turn to receive.  Anyone who knows me would say I’m not good a delegating or asking for help.  I’m a go-get-em spirit that takes too much pride in “doing it myself”.   For thirty years, I’ve been a caregiver of some sort, either for a spouse, children, parents, friends, etc.  I would send cards, notes, and make phone calls to people who needed a hand or an encouraging word.  My occupation of a dental hygienist and health coach demonstrate my passion to care for others.  

During this desert experience, I've noticed a block in my mind that caused me to pause in my outreach to others outside my circle.  For a time I withdrew.  My mind and heart has grown in a way that I can now receive and enjoy the gifts that are coming my way, and have a better awareness of other's needs.  This is a time of learning and growing for me.  I now understand the importance of receiving gifts in my life.  The gift of someone calling or a hug from a friend.  Invitations to gatherings of new friends.  Even allowing someone to help me.  Gifts of time and people that come my way.  I've encountered many people who share their experiences with me.  This information has helped shape the journey and the person I'm becoming.  I've become more relaxed and mindful in my surroundings.

In three years, I’ve lost three significant people in my life.  Life has thrown me some hard blows. Most would say I’ve handled it well, but my heart aches, and I’ve kept myself busy to ease the pain.  Meditation has allowed me to process these feelings of loss, solitude, loneliness, and grief.  A good friend suggested I keep a journal of my days and reflect on thoughts and feelings I’m experiencing.  In particular, I plan to do this over the next week.  The question I ask myself is:  "Who am I, and what do I believe?"

Two months ago, I had the realization that next year, I’ll be turning 52.  That was the age my husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The thought for me was, “What are you waiting for?  When are you going to start living your dreams and exploring what life has for you?”  That was it!  I needed to take action and start living the next adventure.  So today, I’ll be leaving my home to fly to Europe for the first time.  I’ve had the desire to travel since I was a teenager, but I got married early in life.  A mortgage and three children later didn’t allow funds for traveling.  Now it’s different.  This isn’t what I imagined my life being, but it is my present circumstances. This is a gift.  A journey of discovery.  I plan to find some of those answers and be present in this desert.  I won't resist and want to be present for the lessons to be learned.  

There are times when my hands are giving, and now I’m finding that these same hands are capable of receiving.  A wise person recently told me to make sure the oxygen mask is on yourself before you try to help someone else.  One day these dry bones will be made whole again!

Health Bite:  The only way you can give is if you are full yourself.

Good Grief

I’m pretty sure no one will get through life without experiencing some type of grief. Normally, I associate grief with the loss of a loved one, but there are many types of grief. People can grieve for a number of reasons like the loss of a job, a relational breakup, a medical crisis, an estranged family member, to name a few. This devastating sadness is much like waves that crash onto the shore. Over and over again, the tide comes in and out, turning up the sands into a turbulent frenzy. It seems to much to bear at times with the overwhelming feeling that the sun will never shine again.

What I have learned is that grief is not something that ends, rather something to just endure. There is no way to push through it thinking it will soon end. There is no other side or something that is ever completed. Rather grief is acceptance. There is adjustment. There is absorption.  It becomes a part of who you are. It’s an altered life. It’s a different way of being. It’s a circle with no beginning and no ending.

The wound heals, but the scar remains. A reminder of the event in life. At first, it’s tender to the touch. It’s protected from the outside world.  As time goes on, the touch of that scar brings back those memories with a different tenderness. The waves that once crashed are gentler now with the knowledge that something significant transpired.

What will I do with my grief? As I accept, adjust and absorb, I am reminded that others are walking where I have already been. It allows me to understand empathy in a way I couldn’t before. Those trials that come along, that endurance, has made me stronger. I now have a new way of seeing, and a new definition of one’s self. 

This life allows each one of us to experience new ways of being. That being allows us to understand, show compassion, and love others. 

Health bite: Embrace life experiences and live fully to love others